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第6章 督军

　　It was Bessie, I knew well enough; but I did not stir; her lightstep came tripping down the path.

　　'You may look at it,' replied the girl, offering me the book.

　　'Oh! his character is unimpeachable, I suppose. He is ratherpeculiar, perhaps: he has travelled a great deal, and seen a greatdeal of the world, I should think. I daresay he is clever, but I neverhad much conversation with him.'

　　I sat down quite disembarrassed. A reception of finished politenesswould probably have confused me: I could not have returned or repaidit by answering grace and elegance on my part; but harsh capricelaid me under no obligation; on the contrary, a decent quiescence,under the freak of manner, gave me the advantage. Besides, theeccentricity of the proceeding was piquant: I felt interested to seehow he would go on.

　　Mr. Reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber hebreathed his last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne bythe undertaker's men; and, since that day, a sense of drearyconsecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion.

　　'He is not resident, then?'

　　How much I wished to reply fully to this question! How difficult itwas to frame any answer! Children can feel, but they cannot analysetheir feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected inthought, they know not how to express the result of the process inwords. Fearful, however, of losing this first and only opportunityof relieving my grief by imparting it, I, after a disturbed pause,contrived to frame a meagre, though, as far as it went, true response.

　　FIVE o'clock had hardly struck on the morning of the 19th ofJanuary, when Bessie brought a candle into my closet and found mealready up and nearly dressed. I had risen half an hour before herentrance, and had washed my face, and put on my clothes by the lightof a half-moon just setting, whose rays streamed through the narrowwindow near my crib. I was to leave Gateshead that day by a coachwhich passed the lodge gates at six A.M. Bessie was the only personyet risen; she had lit a fire in the nursery, where she nowproceeded to make my breakfast. Few children can eat when excited withthe thoughts of a journey; nor could I. Bessie, having pressed me invain to take a few spoonfuls of the boiled milk and bread she hadprepared for me, wrapped up some biscuits in a paper and put them intomy bag; then she helped me on with my pelisse and bonnet, and wrappingherself in a shawl, she and I left the nursery. As we passed Mrs.Reed's bedroom, she said, 'Will you go in and bid Missis good-bye?'

　　'Helen, why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be aliar?'